Saturday, October 3, 2009

Gender Friendship Issues

October 3, 2009

Reflecting back in my life, through college, post college, and present, I have noticed that most of my friends are guys. I do have girl friends, but was never able to be close to them. I thought girl friends always came with a bigger and much heavier package, the drama, the emotions, the bitchiness etc.

Guys were always easier. I was always "one of the boys".

A number of years ago, an older girlfriend told me that women / girl friends are very important in one’s life. You can share things with them that you cannot share with guy friends. I dismissed it and that point of my life.

Today, I realized that having girl friends in one's life is important.

I have become close with a lady friend who is the wife of a pool player (Mr. Wacky) that hubby and I regularly play with.

Last weekend and this past week was very hard and stressful. She was there. We talked about stuff, things that I have not shared with a living sole except for hubby. She gave advice, support and love to get me through the event.

I guess I never found the right girl friend, so I always dismissed women friends because of my prejudices.

Friends and acquaintances come and go, true friends with no hidden agenda are hard to find. Hold on to the ones that are special and let go of the ones that are just extra baggages. Express your appreciation to your good friends often for they are special and they are part of your family.

What are your thoughts? Are your friends mostly the opposite gender? Do you have many friends are do you have a few friends?

Quilt & Bitch

5 comments:

Bethany said...

I don't have a lot of friends. Mostly because of mental health issues as I usually say something stupid and put my foot in my mouth or the mood swings get in the way. DH is my best friend.

I've always gotten along better with guys as girls were so dramatic and guys don't care about moods. They take you as you are.

It's harder to have guy friends when you are married though. One of my best friends is a guy that also has epilepsy like I do.

p00lriah said...

I thought girl friends always came with a bigger and much heavier package, the drama, the emotions, the bitchiness etc.

hehe . . . a lot of guys are pretty b~*y also, esp. in pool halls. not sure why those guys in pool halls are drama queens though.

i think a friend is a friend, regardless of gender. for me, it seems the degree of self-disclosure makes guy friends different than female friends. maybe girls find it easier to reveal more of themselves to another girl, and vice versa.

oh, and check out my pics of TAR 16!

Quilt+Bitch said...

Hi Bethany,

I bet it is tough having epilepsy. Good friends will understand and forgive your mood swings and foot in mouth syndrome quickly.

I agree with you that guys tend to be more forgiving about mood swings and they do not take it personally. While women friends will sometimes forget that it is not personal.

Why is it hard to have guy friends once you are married?

Q&B

Quilt+Bitch said...

p00lriah, I agree with you that a lot of guys in pool halls pretty bitchy. That's a great observation.

When I first met Mr. Wacky, I told hubby to stay away from Mr. Wacky because he seemed wacky and mean. After becoming more friendly with Mr. Wacky, I realized that he was just frustrated with himself at that moment in time.

As I have learnt, first impressions may not always be right.

You are right in saying, "...the degree of self-disclosure makes guy friends different than female friends." For example, you can't tell a guy friend you're cramping hard because you're having more period etc. :)

Great pics of TAR16, love the 033, and 005 pictures. You're a great photographer, wish you were on the east coast and can help me take pictures of my quilts. :)

Q&B

p00lriah said...

For example, you can't tell a guy friend you're cramping hard because you're having more period etc.

why not?

don't answer that. just illustrating my point about our levels of self-disclosure. if ur comfortable then u can surely tell that to male or female friends. not saying all guys will be receptive (or all girls for that matter), but i think a friend will accept it no matter the gender.

glad u enjoyed the pics. i'm no great photog, just an amateur. my big secret of success . . . hehe. check it out for yourself. no joke.